I’m sure all of  this sounds too good to be true but I was once in the same place as you are now. I was addicted to Weight Watchers for years (in my late teens/early 20’s). I even worked as a “weight loss counselor” for WW but I was secretly going through cycles of restriction, being ‘good’- following the plan followed by the inevitable binge cycle. The binges grew worse over time even though I promised to start over on Monday. 

I was losing control and developing an undiagnosed eating disorder. I felt so much shame for my lack of control around food. And the worst part was that I was studying to become a dietitian, I should have had my sh*t together, but I did not. 

I felt like my body was betraying me; I wanted to cut off parts of my things and butt. I wanted to shrink down and even at my lowest weight, I still felt like I wasn’t good enough. I was trapped and miserable. I know this place called, ‘diet hell.’

My weight fluctuated a lot. I gained up to my highest weight ever while working at Weight Watchers. When I gained over my goal weight (which was based on outdated BMI charts), I was given a warning that if I didn’t lose back down to my goal, I would be fired. Yes, you heard me right, fired!  You can ready my full story on how WW nearly fired me, read my story here.

This was my diet bottom. It was a wake up call I needed to get professional support. I realized that I couldn’t do this alone. But I was scared because I didn’t know what else to do but diet and focus on my weight. In fact, I still wanted to lose weight! 

I searched for help and found an intuitive eating coach. She was the first person to tell me about the harms of dieting and that controlling our bodies isn’t just about discipline, willpower and control. It was about restoring trust with the body and learning to work with the body, rather than constantly fighting against it. As simple as this sounds, it was truly revolutionary. 

While healing did not happen overnight, it did happen! I had to let go of trying to control my body. I had to let go of my addiction to the scale. (this took a few years by the way!) I had to let go of my “dream body” and focus on what I had and how to be at peace with that. 

I got curious about how my focus on weight and dieting was masking other areas of my life that I didn’t want to look at- my own insecurities, my intimacy and relationship fears, my childhood traumas, my need for perfectionism, my need to feel accepted and loved in a culture that tells women, ‘what you look like on the outside is the most important thing to focus on- your weight equals your worth.’ 

I finally got out of my own way and embraced a life of recovery. My weight sorted itself out and settled naturally back to its set point without trying and without dieting. This felt like a miracle. My confidence in life soared and the quality of my life increased dramatically. I had a whole new set of friends, I was going out and dancing more, I studied Buddhist psychology, meditation and yoga. 

Today, I use my experience as a recovered chronic dieter to help free others in my 4 month coaching program for chronic dieting, binge eating, and emotional eating.